Archive for the 'Home Page Posts' Category

As my write up of the first concert was so average, and because the second concert was identical I decided I would do a much better write up of this one, just to be nice (or maybe mean) to all those who missed out.

I will start by saying the second concert was even better than the first, and that I am beyond impressed with the Foo Fighters right now. I can’t wait for another tour to see how, and if, they can top this one. It was amazing.

Tuesday started off with me trying to write an essay. As boredom and excitement took over, so did the urge to shot people and stuff like that; so I started watching NK play GTA:IV.

Hours passed and before I knew it Beer Tuesday had come and gone and we were on the way to the concert.

The two opening acts were Kaki King, and The Sky Bombers.
Only caught a small bit of Kaki, but in what we saw we could tell she was an amazing guitar player, we were then pretty gutted that we had missed most of her set (both nights).
The Sky Bombers on the other hand were full of energy, but, it didn’t seem a lot else. Sure, this is probably harsh as I am comparing them to the Foo Fighters, but I didn’t really rate them at all. The second night was a little better, as I had heard all their songs by now and got caught in the tunes a little bit more. I must say however, when you introduce a song saying “This song is about my mum, it’s called She’s always complaining” you maybe should reconsider things.
Who knows?

The break between the Bombers and the Foos was pretty short, so before we knew it (well, the rest of the crowd, we had a pretty good idea based on the previous night) Chris, Nate, Taylor and Dave were out on stage. As per the previous night for the first two songs they were also joined by Drew Hester, Jessy Greene, Pat Smear and Rami Jaffee (who all made many other appearances during the show).
The set list for the two nights was the same, with the only changes coming in the encore, where in the second night they added three additional songs (DOA, No Way Back, and Generator).

From the moment they hit the stage the crowd went mental. A constant cheer as the band stood around and Dave ran out the runway and out on the sides of the stage, saluting the crowd and getting everyone pumped up.

They then cut right into Let it Die, which was followed without a break by The Pretender, they then continued to play right into Times Like These and then Breakout. A powerful intro indeed. They crowd, as New Zealand does for the Foo Fighters was going nuts the whole time. Cheering loudly, singing proudly (yeah, I don’t think that actually works either, it’s OK thought).

After the first 4 songs the band stopped for a moment for Dave to have a few words. Talk about how good the last night was, and how much better this one would be. He came out with the idea that modern bands with their make-up and crying and junk, play for an hour and fifteen minutes, and that it is pathetic. As such he announced they would play at least two hours, but as the cheer died down from that he suggested that they will just play until the audience tells them to leave. This idea was met with an even bigger cheer.

They then jumped into another series of songs (I forget exact order here) which included Cheer Up, Boys (Your Make-up Is Running); Learn to Fly; Staked Actors; and This is a Call.
Two of these songs had extended interludes.

During This is a Call Dave went on a rampage, running too all corners of the stage, melting some faces with his mad guitar skills (I couldn’t help myself there, sorry). While Staked Actors began with a guitar duel (bad choice of word) between Dave and Chris, and paused in the middle for an extended drum solo. It seemed during this solo that the rest of the band were taking a little break, as they all left the stage and weren’t to be seen.

The next portion of the set was where things really got awesome (well, it was equally as awesome as the rest of it, but the whole show was at such a new level of awesomeness it was hard to decide where on the awesome scale any one song or segment belonged).
Can everyone say acoustic?

Yes, Dave, followed shortly by the rest of the band walked to the end of the central runway where they were met with a second circular stage that had descended from the ceiling. The stage was preset with drums, pianos, percussion segment and microphones. It was essentially a small take on the Skin and Bones set.
Amazing was about to happen.

Starting with Skin and Bones the pace of the whole concert changed (moderately). They then played (in some order) My Hero; Cold Day in the Sun; But, Honestly; and Marigold. The big band also got introduced which tonight allowed for a sweet violin romp with Jessy, and, of course, the obligatory triangle solo with Drew Hester (who later we are sure was hitting on Jessy)

There was of course more chatting from Dave here, including a portion where he told us to “shut the fuck up”, and questioned how they were meant to play music with the crowd that loud. There was also banter back and forth with Taylor before Cold Day in the Sun.

The previous night this banter had included a joke which wasn’t really heard, but mentioned something about all the convicts from England actually coming to New Zealand (Taylor), and a rebuttal saying that actually, it was all the hot women, (Dave) as there was a big group right in the front. Tonight; however, Dave warned that no jokes should be told, and teased the crowd with not knowing what they were talking about.
Once these songs were done the band left once again and Dave had another talk with the audience. This time Dave spoke about the Beaconsfield Miners, and how much that story had changed his view on their music. He also explained that it was because of a drunken promise to one of the miners that the song actually made the album.
Clearly this song was then played. Dave re-introduced Kaki King, who he rates as the greatest guitar player ever; and quite a looker (potentially).

After this Dave went right into Everlong, which as expected drew amazing roars from the crowd. Dave played along until the end of the song when he raced back to the main stage, and right up beside Taylor on the drums. However, as Dave tried to get back on the stage his foot was caught in a wire and he fell straight down on his face.
(From where I was it looked like he broke his ankle at first as his shoe came off slightly, allowing for a weird bend)
Dave recovered like a pro and after throwing his guitar up over his shoulder (neck snapped off when it hit the ground) carried on singing. The pro roadies rushed out and got him a new guitar without missing a beat and the song finished as well as it ever has. Dave then quipped that it was perfect that it (the fall) happened now at the end of the tour (end of this leg, they play again at the end of this month and Germany).

They then rushed into Monkey Wrench, which as expected also went off. Then to finish the main part of the set they played All my Life, which included the backing screens turning red, recreating the awesomeness of the video (and the infamous (??) photo of their silhouettes’ on a red back ground where it looks like one guy doesn’t have a head).

The crowd roar was insatiable with the band off the stage, and as per the previous night (and most concerts on this tour I am told) the video screens soon came back on with Dave showing the set list and holding up a finger stating one more song. The crowd went off again. Taylor then came on screen and also indicated one more song, but after holding a hand to his ear changed this to two more songs. Dave concurred, but then Taylor came back and like he wanted it kept a secret held up three fingers. Good times to come.

The band came back on stage and after Dave explained he often likes opening an encore with a softer song they played Big Me with Jessy coming back in to help with the vocals. This was followed with Long Road to Ruin, which also went off.
Actually, Long Road to Ruin was quite unique this night, as it was Chris’ birthday.

Halfway through the song a random guy ran out onto stage and was just standing around behind Dave. This caused the band to stop and Dave explain to the guy that he can’t just run up there while they are playing. Unless…
Yeah, he was a male stripper and proceeded to get some clothes off and dance around for Chris. Highly amusing. We then sang happy Birthday and Dave asked the crowd what they wanted next.

A small section at the front was chanting for DOA, and Dave obliged by playing it. They then went straight into No Way Back, which had a huge amount of audience singing involved. Finally they added Generator for good measure.

Those of you counting could note that is 5 songs in the 3 song encore; and as all good things must come to an end Dave thanked the crowd once more, created a cheer for the roadies, and then finished everything up with Best of You.

So, we left and on our walk home realised that as good as the first night was, they topped it in the second. More songs will do that I guess. It was also interesting to note that all the little speeches and anecdotes changed between the two shows, even ones that were essentially the same (Beaconsfield miners story) – then again, this shouldn’t have come as a surprise, they are pros after all.

All up this has been the greatest 5 day period of my life, topped off by two of the best concerts I may ever see. The random couple who I spoke to this morning (because I had a Foos shirt on) summed it up nicely when they said “Nothing else is ever going to be the same. How are we going to get a concert better than that? I might have to give up on going to them if they are all going to be huge disappointments when compared to the Foo Fighters.”

(It should be noted I wrote all of this, while I have an essay due in two days that I have yet to start or even really have a good look at – Foo Fighters > Passing University)

- GG

So this day had high expectations coming in. The Foo Fighters are one of my favourite bands, and arguably one of the greatest bands of all time (or at least our generation). They also put on awesome live shows (as I have seen them several times already), so I was expecting an great night.

The day started pretty early, woken up at 6.30 by SA having a show. I then proceeded to get up once SDC and NK had gone to work, and sat around watching some cartoons while surfing the net. Before I knew it, 11.30 had come around and I hopped the bus to town to meet up with SDC for lunch. Little did I know my cousin was meeting us there as well with his army buddies.

So I arrive and the boys had just finished ordering their meals and had a round of beers on the table, I quickly got my own beer and ordered a dozen buffalo wings (Degree is an awesome place, and these wings are amazing – I had been crazing them since I left Auckland). So drinking took place, and then SDC arrived and got his own beer and ordered food. Drinking and eating occurred and SDC headed back to work (three beers down at lunch – nice). I, being a student who had decided to take several days off, hung around and continued to drink many more pints with the army boys.

This was a highly positive idea on my behalf, as these army guys were good freaking quality. I have never had so many laughs about weird conversations and events at lunchtime before. Just for a taster, one of the guys explained to us that when he was younger (at primary school) he beat off to Officer Callahan from Police Academy. Police Academy the Animated show that is. The reason that is worth noting is because this guy was quite loud – and it was 1pm in a public place. Yeah, it was heading to be that kind of day…

Continued drinking till about 5, then came back home and before long we were down at the concert. Originally I had been a little disappointed because I was seated, but once I found my seats (stage right, not to far back in either direction) I realised that the view was awesome, and that I was not going to be disappointed.

The concert started with Let it Die, followed up by The Pretender, and then still without saying a word they went into Times Like These and Breakout. After that point I kind of forget the order the songs were played, but the set list looked something like this

· Best Of You

· Cold Day In The Sun

· The Pretender

· Let It Die

· Long Road To Ruin

· Cheer Up, Boys (Your Make-Up Is Running)

· But, Honestly

· Times like these

· Breakout

· Staked actors

· Monkey wrench

· Everlong

· Breakout

· Big Me

· All my life

· Ballard for the Beaconfield Miners

· Marigold

· This is a call

· Learn to fly

· My hero

· Long road to ruin

· Skin and Bones

Clearly an awesome set.

But not only was it sweet music, there was a good portion in the middle where a second stage came down from the roof and they played a bunch of acoustic songs, similar to Skin and Bone (the DvD). This was extra awesome because it also allowed for Dave to do a whole bunch of talking, which is always entertaining.

So, they played for a few hours, and it was the best few hours of my short little life. Afterwards I just could not stop smiling.

I am very excited about seeing them again tonight.

The only bad thing I have to say is about Vector. As everyone has said time and time again, the sound in Vector is not really great. It was noticeable again last night. Not very bad, but there were bits of the show I felt that Vector was letting them down.

Oh well, I was seeing the Foos twice in two days, I am probably not going to complain.

- GG

The title of this blog really has nothing to do with anything I am going to write about, however apparently to be a journalist in England all you have to do is a think of headline with princess Diana in it slap a picture of Madeline McCann on it, and if you really want to sell copies a snippet of Britney spears wanting to kill herself.

Right, now that I’ve got that of my chest. There have been so many amusing things that have happened to me lately, which I laugh about at the time, and then completely forget about, I think someone should get me a Dictaphone for Christmas.
One Ironic moment I do recall is of my Muslim buddy from M&S giving me a Christmas card. What the? Are they aloud to do that? Are we aloud to take good parts from different religions, and mould them into ours? If so I want the 40 virgins thing.

Another couple of bizarre M&S moments include Derek asking me if it was true that New Zealand has the highest Prostitute per population rate in the world apparently he learnt this off Pop up video, oh well it must be true then who am I to argue with Pop up video, and least Wikipedia wasn’t his source of critical information unlike the English press who after some semi famous guy died printed in all the newspapers that he wrote one of the Sclub 7 songs, there source was indeed Wikipedia turns out it wasn’t true . Nice one England.

One of the scariest things I have ever seen took place at M&S as well, you have not lived until you witness a tall lanky Indian man perform the Girls aloud number ‘Jump’ at 2am through the food hall. I still have nightmares.

I am sorry, but a large percentage of the English are retarded I had to convince one such case the other day that both NZ, and Australia were part of the commonwealth, and that infact she is our Queen too. Before Christmas I caught the end of the Royal variety show in which Bon Jovi performed, seriously whatever that guy is on I want some he has looked the same for the last thirty years, kudos for that brother!
At the end old sweet mumma Liz came out, and shook everyone’s hand, I mean is that necessary; imagine how many hands she has shook over the years does it even mean anything anymore I mean at least if you shook my hand you would be special as I don’t go around shaking everyone’s hand I am just saying maybe lizzie should think about quality over quantity, although she did use protection (in the form of a glove) at least she is safe about it.

Speaking of gloves I was outside today in my plastic gloves cleaning the ashtrays, when a (I am speculating here) Homosexual guy walked out of the bar and said to me “are you in love” I confirmed that I was not, and added that I hated the entire female race he then informed me that there are ‘other lifestyles you know’ and asked me if I got any sexual pleasures out of wearing the rubber gloves. I told him there was definitely no pleasure for me in picking up cigarette buts, but would be happy to shove my glove up his arse, and pull it out his mouth if he so desired, he left promptly. Also while I was out there a smoker asked if there were any ashtrays around I said yes, and pointed to one, which was about 6feet away from him. He replied ‘No! By me’, and suggested I go inside, and get one. What are you so riddled with lung cancer from smoking that you can’t move 6 feet to your left to put your cigarette out? What a cock! I just rolled my eyes at him. I have become very good at rolling my eyes, and using annoyed tones much like women do, because yelling abuse is frowned upon in customer service, apparently.

After five, and half months I am sick to death of being called an Australian, sick to mother f***ing death you hear me, but I can understand that most of the English are uneducated, and we do sound a lot like Australians to the untrained ear, however I will never except any excuse for being called a South African, What the hell? Kiwis or Aussies for that matter do not sound like Saffas. No one does. They are a whole stupid bred of their own!

Tax! Grrr! I do feel sorry for the English when it comes to taxes though these guys get it bad Mr Brown, and his little buddies take over 30% of my wages in tax, and I’m the poor I hate to think what they take off the rich, they have this stupid think called national insurance, which is probably what our Kiwisaver scheme will turn into, basically they rape 10 quid a week off me, which after some investigation, and quite frankly I think the people I talked to had no idea where the money went either. However apparently, this money goes towards my British pension, which I won’t be here to claim, to healthcare, which I am not entitled to, and for unemployed/child benefits, which, wait for it I am not entitled to. Wow I pay ten quid a week into scheme, and can’t claim a single penny back under anything. It’s highway robbery, at least if it went to street lights or roads or something at least next time I get attacked on the street I could say well at least my National insurance pays for this road I am currently lying on.

Speaking of people attacking me I had a rather bizarre man threaten to beat me up the other day because (wait for it) there wasn’t enough head on his beer. What? I found this quite amusing, although he was quite serious about it. Now I’ve had numerous people whinge about too much head, but never not enough… Wait I am aloud to say that?

Moving on swiftly.
Now I must say when I first got here I thought they were incredibly unnecessary, but now that I’ve lived with the English for 5 months I see why. You see up near the Bullring in town they have white lines painted on the footpath so that retarded people know, which side of the footpath to walk on I being a somewhat logical person thought this was over the top, but living in city with a couple of Million English people who lack common sense I can now see why, and there is always at least one person who’s going against the grain, I hate to think what would happen if there were no lines, these are exactly the type of people we need less of.

Another annoying thing about living in a city with millions of pedestrians is slow walkers, oh I hate them with a passion, and it’s so hard to pass these clowns in traffic, they always seem oblivious to the line of 65 people trying to get passed them.

There are some positive things though. Random shit like one busker who was wearing a suit, and singing opera, I mean come on how poor could that guy be he’s wearing a freakin suit?
And one time before Christmas there was a quartet of guys wearing suits, and playing Christmas Carols on trombones, it was pretty sweet; ya don’t get Trombones in Hamilton New Zealand.

The latest induction into the Birmingham Walk of Stars had me stumped though, (drum roll please) Noddy Holder. Who the F**k is Noddy Holder I hear you ask? Good question. Now I knew it wasn’t going to last very long before the hit the bottom of the barrel. I mean how many
Famous people could possibly come from Birmingham England, but Ozzy Osbourne, Jasper Carrot then Noddy Holder. That’s it? Surely you can do better than that Birmingham, two actual famous people before you start making up funny sounding names, come on.
Now my first guess was that they were inducting Noddy the cartoon, you know with the red car, and all, but after consulting my guru of knowledge (YD) apparently he is some sort of musician possibly in a band of some description or danced in George Michael video it’s hard to say.
Just quietly though, I don’t want to let the cat out of the bag, but it’s between me, and the guy who plays a salad bowl as musical instrument on new street, for the forth star, fingers crossed.

So with my Marks and Spencer contract ending in early January the new hours in the loading bay clashed with my bar work so I switched over to the foods section, which sadly means no more sorting lingerie, and know more lingerie girls. There is something strange about the lingerie department, and it would seem that the higher in rank the more attractive they are, coincidence I think not.
I met the lingerie manager one night when we were moving the entire lingerie section around, I’ll tell you that was a great night. So much lingerie, so many pretty girls what more could you ask for. Anyway the manager is quite possibly the most attractive women in Britain, she is smoking, and she has a Scottish accent, which is hard to understand, but adds flavour, although she did have a lisp, which was quite amusing, I think it best she not speak, I wasn’t listening to her anyway.

Man I thought the loading bay was strange, well Foods has its fare share of kooks as well. I was chatting with one of the Irish ladies, who told me she came from the ‘south of the north part of Ireland, naturally when someone makes such a stupid statement I started to chuckle, and replied “so you mean the middle then? She got most offended, and stormed off, crazy Irish, she was probably drunk at the time anyway.

There is also this guy who only communicates through song, like when you say ‘good morning’ he will sing back ‘good morningggggg’ it’s something that needs to be seen to be believed, it’s very very odd. Now I’m not sure if the guy is nuts, and I mean like Charles Manson nuts, or if he’s a comic genius, I guess time will tell.

There is also this bitch that keeps smiling at me, and asking to borrow my pen, what a whore! I think I might sucker punch her tomorrow that should give her the message of my new found celibate life. Why can’t these evil soulless women leave me in peace, the sooner they take the vote back of women the better!

Speaking of whores (wait, who said that) there was a great letter to the editor in the Metro the other day. I believed the article that sparked the letter was about young British girls having underage sex, the article featured a female who, god bless her had waited until she was 16 before slamming everything in sight, she was now 18, and had bedded over 50 something men (maybe I’m a touch envious), but was such a good girl for waiting until the legal age, Thank you Metro for enlightening me with such a positive story, I think this girl maybe a hero of this generation the way she shares her love around is very generous, god bless her.
The more alarming story was not the Metro glorifying this Wench, but another article they ran which stated 30% of young people didn’t know how you caught Aids. Are you shitting me? How do these people dress themselves in the morning? I am here by calling for ‘Testing of sexual appropriateness’ Or TOSA, as they will be known. Much like the current driving licence tests you will be required to complete a scratch card questionnaire, and if you pass you will be issued with a giant S you will to attach to your forehead for 1 year, and will only be able to have sex before 10pm, and as a long as your parent or guardian is in the front seat. If you fail you will be chemically castrated.

Following up on my perfect man rant, there was also a letter to the editor from some lady claiming she had the perfect man, but he didn’t have a job, couldn’t drive, and lived with his father. Ha, nope he’s a Loser!

The Marks and Spencer message board read this morning ‘David Cameron (Leader of the Torries) will be in Lingerie today’ Now I’m assuming we have some general manager who bears the same name as the leader of the Torries, and was visiting, otherwise, that’s just weird. I wouldn’t put it past him though, you know he does have a chequered past.

One final thought while I was waiting in the 10 items or less queue behind a lady (read Bitch) who obviously had more than ten items. First off what sort of horrible despicable human being are you messing with the 10 items or less philosophy, this line was born out of love to try, and help people who only have a few items get out quicker. This is the equivalent of overtaking me, and then driving at 85kms an hour on a narrow road. I hate you. You hear me; I hate you!
Now I think they should employ people, no thugs to stand at the front of the line, and count to ten for people, because if they can’t read the giant freakin signs that read 10 items or less the probably can’t count either.
And lastly, why don’t supermarkets enforce the rule?
Just say no f**k off you idiot, you know the rules. What’s the point of a rule if you don’t enforce it? See that’s what’s wrong with society we have got all these stupid rules, and we don’t even stick to them. What’s the point? Either you have a rule, and enforce it, or you get rid of the f****n rule.

Now why aren’t I in charge of a country? Or at least a supermarket?

Skipstar.

Well, I imagine some may be sick of the excessive Box posts of late, but I didn’t have the net while away, so had to get them all up when I returned… Well here’s another for you, although it will be brief… Oh but just quickly, photos are coming, however they all tend to be of buildings and such… nothing inappropriate unfortunately.  Just have some technical difficulties to tend to then feel free to browse at your leisure…

So, yeah, the title of this post may suggest I have something figurative to discuss today.  But in actual fact, I just witnessed the blind leading the blind.  Seriously.  I thought that my eyes were deceiving me (yuss!), but it really was like some kind of blurry fairytale (not quite there, but ok!)…

Don’t get me wrong – I love blind people.  Hell, my eyes have been deteriorating for years and I am a full time spectacle wearer.  I just found this to be most fascinating, as one was definitely playing the lead role in their uncommon duo.  At the time, they were actually struggling with navigating over some speed bumps but I’m pleased to say they were successful in the end.

I don’t wish to be offensive, and apologise if my views (oh!) are short-sighted (two-for!), but what are they gonna do?  Read this?

Alright, I’ll stop…

Box

It has been a while between Beer Tuesday events, but there are a couple coming up in the next couple of weeks.

Scarlet Avengers Birthday/Green Griffin flat warming – Saturday 10 November, Auckland.

The collective age and size of the Auckland chapter is increasing, and to celebrate this event we are getting drunk.

Beer Tuesday and Friends Christmas Party – Saturday 15 December, Hamilton

Christmas has arrived again, and to celebrate this event we are getting drunk. We are also attending the Waikato Times Gold Cup Races in Hamilton, which will be a great day in the sun for drinking and gambling.

Stay tuned for post event write-ups,

The time has come.
BTRWC07 is here, Let the drinking begin. We arise at a sharp hour of the morning, Trudes has ordered a taxi for 8, I don’t recall our taxi drivers name so I’m gunna call him Max, Max informs us he can only drop us near the airport as terrorism won’t allow him to drive right up outside anymore, I think the real reason is Max has been up drinking all night, and can’t remember how to get there. Due to the amount of liquor inside Max he is quite talkative, and tells us about his daughter who lives in Wanganui, we laugh, and ask if she is a solo mother on the benefit, apparently he meant MT Maunganui, this is a far more acceptable place to live so I cut him a break, although I still hold a grudge against that place for burning my chiefs jumper. It is during this taxi ride YD makes his first in series of sensational puns.

Once at the airport we strike about half of New Zealand on their way to Marseille. We are all kitted out in our BT Napier shirts, ( speaking of which thanks a bunch to the Candyman for bringing mine over, got my name put on a few days back in Scotland for ten quid one of the happiset moments in my life) and get stopped at least 6 or 7 times, and questioned about them, the joke your a long way from Napier was funny the first time, but slightly irritating after 8 or 9 goes. I get through security after a polite frisking from some dude. We head to duty free, this place sucks, and is very discriminatory the have a side of the store (where all the good stuff is) for normal passengers, and another for passengers flying within the EU, obviously France is in the EU which sucks to be us, YD spots a free tasting of Malibu rum, so we get in the line, it is here I make my first of several politically incorrect statements on this tour. After receiving my free sample I question the dark skinned lady, ” Why is there one side of the store for me, and another for others? That my friend is racist, you are racist” she takes this in farely good spirit, and informs me it is not her that is racist, that is infact the British Government who is racist, after realizing what I had just said I don’t pursue this matter any further. WW, YD, and Trudes hit up BK for some breakfast, when this big maori dude walks by, WW jokes about how his arms are bigger then my entire body, then we joke about not running into him in a dark alley. Once we board the plane YD, WW, and Trudes take their seats, the seats are in rows of three, which means Skippy gets to sit with crazy strangers, turns out I get crammed in by the window, next to the big Maori dude, at this point I wish to bring up another peeve of mine. I am small, this has it’s advantages, sneaking into small gaps, finding money, able to be carried by people, closer to the ground when I fall, etc, etc.. It also has it’s disadvantages, reaching things on high shelves, fighting people, unable to attract women, etc, etc… which brings me to my peeve, Another advantage is when travelling on planes I am able to fit in the chairs, what pisses me off, is when I get stuck next to stupid normal size people who take up not only their seat but mine aswell, screw you hippies! It’s not my fault you people are too big for the seats, stay in your own fuckin seat, and I’ll stay in mine, kapeesh!!!!!

The guy turns out to be a really nice chap from up north somewhere, we chat about rugby, and leauge the usual man things, he says I remind him of Brendon Leonard the worlds greastest rugby player I like this about my new friend. He downs three gins during the flight, so is quite tipsy by the end.Once in Marseille we check into the hotel, and start the search for beer, we aquire 52 Kronenbourgs, that should last for the rest of the day. we drink just over 20 before heading down to the docks to search for a pub to watch the Argentina Vs France game, on the way we see a whole bunch of people crowded around a bus, it’s the All black bus, and injury prone hard man Keith Robinson wanders out, and WW snags a photo. Next on our travels we enter the official world cup merchandise store, everything is overpriced, and no one is silly enough to purchase anything.

On our way to Le pub I run across my big Maori friend he is going the otherway though, so falsely suggest I will buy him a beer if I see him again. Finally we hit the pub, there is about 13 thousand people squeezed into this tiny little bar with one tiny 18 inch Tv screen,WW, and YD are dehydrated after twenty minutes without a beer, and cough up 5 euros for a beer, Skippy is less than impressed by this, and informs the others he is going on a search for a better place, within seconds I find what looks like a gay bar, But it has a big screen tv so I enter, and order a beer, and sit down for the opening ceremony, I’m sorry but opening ceremonies must go, they have no place in modern society, after watching a bunch of stupid Frenchies in gay costumes run around with Xbox buttons on their shirts I’d had enough, this followed by a bunch of has been rugby players running out on to the field, John Eales, Jonu Lomu were acceptable, but after Donny Osmond, and former Pakistani opening bowler Wasim Akram ran out I’d snapped. After my beer I head back, and get the others. We have front row seats, and proceed to enjoy every minute of France losing. After the game we head outside WW makes friends with some Arges who ask him to do a Haka for them, it is here I make my second politically incorrect mistake, after 9 beers, and 2 Mojitos I am more than keen, we wait for YD to return from the toilet. WW informs me I will be leading the Haka it was an honor, but in hindsight a bad idea from WW, I proceed to give the worst Haka rendition since the Allblacks did it in the changing rooms in Wales. After completing the first verse for the thrid time I realized things had gone array, about this time a big fat Frenchie tries to get in my face I brush him off like a piece of lint, and finish the Haka, about half way through the other lads had stopped due to embarrasment, I finish to around of applause from the Arges. I then suffer the abuse of YD, WW for the next few minutes, I insist it wasn’t that bad. On the way back we stop at Macca’s, YD, and WW are inside, I notice some crazy black dude talking to Trudes, I stumble over to investigate, he askes me something which sounds likes, “can I have a minute” and proceeds to rub two fingers together, I have no idea what he’s on about, and just yell ” Non Non Non” at him he gets the point, and moves on.

Saturday arrives, I sleep in so am not really sure what went on I believe some pastries were purchased, we have a few more beers before kickoff, and wander towards the stadium, I am not sure what this place is like normally, but it seems like it’s buzzing, and the’re Allblack shirts for Africa around here, it’s only a short walk to the stadium we get there pretty quickly stopping once for food, and beer, we view the Allblacks bus entering the stadium with a police escort, excitement is building by the second, just before entering the stadium, I get tapped on the shoulder by a somewhat overweight Italian man my French, and Italian is excellent now, and I realize he wants a photo with me, I oblige like a flash he jumps out of the photo, and pushes his daughter into the photo, I’m a good sport, and put my arm around her, the mother takes the photo, and they thank me profusely, later during my phone conversation with SDC he informs me this is how people get married over here, now the whole thing makes sense.

Once inside while waiting for YD, and WW to go to the toilet, I run into the same Arges I preformed the Haka for last night, What are the odds? out of 58316, in attendance I run into the same guys as last night, I high five them, they tell me again how great I am, and show me the video footage of my Haka, after watching it sober(ish) I too am horrified by my perfomance, they still think it’s great, I wonder if they think that now after watching a real Haka live at the stadium. Probably the funniest thing was one of the guys had a shirt with the words to the Haka on it, and as I performed he nodded along with my version, like it was the same, fool. For those interested they will be posting my Haka on youtube, and sending me an advanced copy, which I will forward on to anyone who is keen to view my glory.

The game is an extremely close encounter 76-14. It is a shame the Italians decided to play their soccer team instead of their rugby team admittedly their footwork was pretty good, but their abilty to play rugby well was less spectacular.The mexican waves were pretty cool, and the Italians went nuts after the disallowed try, other than that I was pleased to get out of the sun at fulltime. After the game we make our way back to the hotel WW stops to buy a scarf off a shady Frenchie just as he gets his scarf the fuzz see him, and wisk him off to jail, as he is leaving the copper hands Trudy three scarfs, Yah free scarfs. After refuelling with beer we head to down to the beach, WW rolls his ankles, and cries about for ages, YD goes swimming with his wallet still in his pants, meanwhile I play catch with a little French boy, or is that hide the sausage I can’t remember? I teach him to place kick using sand, I also drop in a few handy tips about not bombing New Zealand peace ships. It is during this game I realize I may have missed my calling in life as either a preschool teacher, or a pedafile. It is remarkable how well I get on with children, yet not women, I put this down to the fact height wise ( and mentally too) I am on the same level as a six year old boy. We buy 20 more beers, and proceed to drink them, watch rugby, and play cards, during this mayhem YD produces his best pun of the weekend ( oh and there has been so many) he takes it up a level by using props with his puns, I proclaim “the tables have turned” YD replys “no I have turned the tables”, and picks up the table, and turns it 90 degrees, touche. Just now I asked to remind him how the pun went as I am drunk right now, and slight of memory, I said “you know the one with the prop” He replied ” I don’t even play rugby” the puns continue I refuse to talk to YD for the rest of the trip.

This morning I sleep in until 12, YD, WW, and Trudes, go on a bus tour of the city at 17 Euros a piece, I take a call from home, and then sit in for 4 games off rugby I just asked WW what he has done today as I haven’t done anything, he said, and I quote ” well we went around, and round in circles in bus” thanks WW your’re a dick!
Our beer tally stands at 124 Kronenbourgs, I think a fair effort. YD continues his uncanny knack with the puns, he’s well into double figures now. We drink a lot more there is quite a debate, you could say a master debate about which way is right, and which way is anti clockwise, we agree to disagree, soon after YD produces some verbal liquid gold, WW plays Linkin park, and Jay Z on his Ipod, and proclaims ” you know Jay Z has a hot girlfriend, Beyonce” YD replys ” I thought his girlfriend was mary” Me, and WW are puzzled, he continues ” ya know JC ( Jesus Christ) his girlfriend is mary! Touche YD, Touche.

We continue drinking for the rest of the night at one stage a ruck froms, and WW injures himself, goodtimes. we have photos.

The next morning we are up, and off to the airport, Marseille airport is like no other, it’s very backward they handwrite our tickets, and you put your own bags on the plane, friggin French. We all arrive home safely, except my laptop which gets crushed on the flight. Dam you France!!! Ah well bring on the scots.

Skip.

I feel compelled to vent my anger after an unpleasant experience at Drury McDonald’s yesterday has brought me to believe that the human race has reached the pinnacle of stupidity.

I can’t help but lay some blame towards the North embankment at Mt Smart. While attending the Warriors game I decided that the crowd didn’t appear to be the quickest of cats. I consider myself a seasoned veteran at rugby union matches but this was my first league appearance. I’m sure these guys are good at what they do, but compared to the highly evolved skills of the mighty Waikato rugby team they appeared pale in comparison. Pick up the ball and hope you can smash through the opposition………if you do, something exciting might happen. Little more in my eyes. I’m also puzzled as to where the ref draws the line on the call of a head high tackle.

Anyway back to Drury……….Box and I entered McDonald’s for the 3rd time in 30 hours (we don’t make a habit of this I assure you) to find a young rugby league players have destroyed the place! I mean sure it’s likely to get a bit a bit messy towards the end of a shift but these little bastards had thrown shit everywhere, smashed sugar bowls and were continuing to smash their happymeal toys in the carpark with a stick. There must have been at least 20 of them, just causing havoc. Where were the parents? Having a session on the bus no doubt. And whats up with fastcrew dipshits?

So let me fill you in on a few of our weekend antics. Just the two of us headed up to Auckland. NK, SDC, Box, myself and associates attended the races at Ellerslie. Beverages flowed and there was betting to be done. No one had any luck worth noting although 1 or 2 trifectas were narrowly missed out on.

After the races we headed to Albany for the shield challenge (if you could call it that). North Harbour played fantastically and and dominated Waikato for most of the game, easily retaining the shield…………………….no……..wait………the opposite of that. I would have been embarrassed to be a Harbour supporter at the game. There didn’t actually seem to be many there come to think of it.

Victorious, we headed back to the boy’s then into town. Starting at “The Great Northern Steamship” with a few mojitos and shooters we were well in the mood. After midnight you can’t take your drink outside so as I neared the door, drink in hand, the bouncer stopped me and what I thought he said was “You can’t take your drink outside, you need to drink my pee”………………..”what does your pee taste like?” I asked him. He stared at me with a disgusted look on his face. Apparently he had said “You cant take your drink outside, put it over there please” Innocent mistake, I assure you.

Our lack of luck continued at the casino so we headed back to hq via Mc D’s picking up some BBq bacon cheeseburgers. I was just about to enjoy my first bite when Scarlet Avenger snatched the bacon out of mine and gobbled it up. He may as well have eaten my soul……. thanks to Box for then sharing his bacon before it was snatched.

Silver Sovereign out

It would make sense that I, the now grown up (not so much), would write a summary of my Saturday evening, My 21st. Unfortunately as I sit here at work on Monday, trying to calm my stomach down I realise that my summary of the evening could realistically be this

At about 4.30 Gynie Jon came around, we hung out until about 5 when I started having some beers. We watched the Waikato game at my place (other BT members were at the Eastside). After the game guests started to arrive (this was around 7.30).

7 hours later I was making a charitable donation to the Casino (I am a very nice person and thought I would help out a local business).

I then got some subway at around 3.30. I ate half of it in bed and had the other half for breakfast the next day.

Evidently I tried to go on the Internet when I got home (it is safe to assume I would have been looking for porn), but managed to not actually leave my home page.

And there is my dilemma. Having that as my birthday write up isn’t really exciting or worthwhile for anyone. Unfortunately that is the best I can do based on my recollection of events.To circumvent this problem to some degree I will add in some more details I can safely assume happened, based on other peoples stories, and on evidence as it may appear (in the form of empty bottles, used glasses, stamps, injuries, receipts etc).

The start of the story is still the same, so we will skip to when guests were arriving. I was about 7 beers and a few shots down by this stage and realised it would be best to make social appearances (Had been in my bedroom, I was drinking and watching the game, Gynie Jon was playing on my laptop (computer, bow chicka bow wow) (technically this is not true, I was actually playing as well, but I am trying to make myself seem better, I am already drinking in my room)).

People arrived and drinking started with more force. There was a nice selection of food put out by my lovely parents, as well as a selection of beverages for people to wet their whistles with.

At some point a friend arrived and gave me a bottle of Jager (I ended with two of these). I then took it to my room, did a shot with him, and poured myself a strong mix (with lemonade – taking back to the old school).

Later another friend arrived with Southern Comfort. The same as above happened (except with coke this time).

A while later I was given a bottle of Tequila, the bottle was shaped like a gun. This was very appropriate. I took several BT members to my room and we did Tequila shots. This was fun.

(There were many used shot glasses in my room at the end of the night, it is lucky I have such a large collection).

I am not sure when, but I am told SDC and someone else also did Jager shots in my room at some point. I found the shot glasses on my window sill the next morning. Vomit was made out my window by SDC. Good times.

Drinking continued, and SS took charge and organised people for speech like activities. It was around this point that I apparently decided to win the prize for worlds biggest cunt. I am told I did quite well.

I cannot explain the above well, as I don’t really recall what happened, but I have been informed I kept interrupting SDC when he was trying to talk. This happened until he just gave up with the speech idea entirely. Yes, I know, I suck. Once more, sorry bro.

I do not remember my speech, but I believe it was nothing like I had planned. This is expected I guess.

Town happened, and at this point my story from above mostly applies. Other people did buy me drinks though, which was much appreciated, and it means I didn’t go straight to the Casino.

I have also just been informed I was licking a pole in the middle of The Cazbar, which is something a little different from normal.

I had a hockey game at 2 the next day. I played very well (really) and we won 7 or 8 – 0. I was happy. I almost got in a fight on the field too. It would have been most amusing (I would have gotten handed to myself).

As soon as the game finished I felt like I was going to die. I had KFC with Box and SS, and then was in bed for the rest of the day, playing on the Internet and watching TV. I stayed up very late.

I still feel very bad right now.

GG

PS: Thanks for everyone who attended, it was very good to have you all there, pretty clearly wouldn’t have been the same without you.

PPS: Once again, I am sorry for being a complete dick to you SDC.

Sure, it’s still two weeks off (birthday on the 3rd, party the 11th), but as it is a BT Birthday SDC pointed out I should probably write something for it. So I will.

Yes, the youngest Beer Tuesday member is indeed getting older, and unless there is an influx of new young members this will be the last Beer Tuesday member 21st. Is there really any more explanation needed here?

We are going to be getting ever so slightly intoxicated on Saturday the 11th of August in Hamilton, and then seeing what kinds of interesting situations we can cause by taking our festivities to the rest of the city.

Beyond this I don’t really know what to say. Beer Tuesday will be out in force (kinda depleted with recent departures) in
Hamilton on that night, so if you want to meet the greatest people ever, keep an eye out. We are also not opposed to you buying us alcohol.

Oh, and it’s also my birthday, so sexual favours are probably highly encouraged.

GG

Part 1 – Auckland to Hamilton

Buzz Buzz Buzz goes the alarm as the simultaneous burst of A Perfect Circle’s “Judith” erupts from the phone next to my head.”You’re such and inspiration for the ways that I will never ever choose to be” (many people probably feel that way about us). It must be 5.30, time to wake up and begin the forth annual Beer Tuesday Road Trip 2007.

Lazily into the shower the adrenaline is beginning to build. Throwing some clothes into the bag, and then opening the first beer of the day, anticipation of Purple Punga coming (maybe foreshadowing of the events from later that day).

Scarlet Avenger is already awake and joining me in the first beer. Time to wake Neon Knight, who is hammered from the night before out drinking. I felt hungover just looking at NK, despite the fact that I had not been drinking the night before.

Purple Punga arrives with the van, he has already picked up Cream Crusader and Blue Streak, and it is time for us to head to Hamilton.

About 20 minutes in we realise that only Scarlet Avenger and I are drinking. Time for some peer pressure, and it is not long before NK, CC and BS are indulging. I realise it is only 6.30 am, and we have another 20 hours of drinking ahead of us, but it is BTRT07 and time to get fucked up.

We make the days first stop at McDonalds for breakfast. I realise that I am suddenly drunk, I have only had about 3 beers, but you know what happens when you haven’t eaten for a while, the first few hit you hard, until you even out, and settle into a rhythm.

Picture message from Silver Sovereign, 3 shots of Patron, looks like Hamilton chapter is getting into it.

We arrive in the outskirts of Hamilton and Purple Punga tries to turn the van around after all of the short jokes we are making at his expense.

It is around 8.30 when we arrive at Sliver Sovereign and Pink Box’s place. Green Griffin is there, they all have been indulging in a few beverages to warm up. Road Trip Baby!

On the drive to Matangi to meet the remainder of Beer Tuesday, Purple Punga decides to get in on the drinking and opens his first Beer.

Part 2 – Matangi – Taupo

Spirits are high as we pull into White Warrior’s place to pick up the remainder of the boys. Greetings are exchanged, we pile into the van and begin our adventure. There are 4 notable members missing, Yellow Dragon is in the UK, Black Hawk is at his Grandmothers 100th birthday, and Orange Hombre, and Roan Cowboy are also busy. It is also important to note that this will be the last BTRT for some time for 3 of the members who are departing for the other side of the world, White Warrior, Candyman, and Eastern Grey Skippy, so we will no doubt have to see them off in style.

The shirts are also fantastic, so a big thanks to Rusty Ranger and Green Griffin for putting those together.

Candyman has taken up his familiar position as designated driver, and it is a good thing we are drinking, otherwise the high speed, risky overtaking maneuvers and the occasional change from forth to first gear at high speed may be slightly troubling.

We soon notice that EGS is not drinking… well he is drinking, but it is only water. It is now that we find out that he has not been home from the night before, and is feeling slightly unwell. We are good understanding Beer Tuesday friends, we will not force him to drink, we simply take his bottle of water and pour it out the window of the van.

The first major stop of the day is in Tokoroa, where we stop for our traditional Warehouse stop. What we need on this trip is more crap to fill the van with, purchases included 3 bibs, a slot racing car set, some sticky hands, and several balls (probably foreshadowing the nights events also). In The Warehouse, I decide that it would be fun to follow kids around and play the song Midnight Creeper on my phone, until I realise how incorporate and potentially illegal that is.

After a short stop on a rail bridge we make our way to Huka Falls. It was actually down the third exit that Candyman tried, not the first two, surprisingly it was the exit which had a big sign saying Huka Falls. Huka Falls should not be confused with Hooker falls, although if you were to want to dispose of a hookers body, this probably would not be a bad spot. Huka Falls is always impressive, the sheer volume of water pumping through that small hole, sounds like a good place for a pants down photo, and it was so.

Huka Falls is a tourist attraction, however this did not stop us from walking around drinking, Candyman hitting on foreign girls, people pissing in the bushes, us taking our pants off, and generally acting like awesome drunk people. However there was a moment of near chivalry, walking along with Pink Box, there were some girls posing for a picture, with another girl taking the photo. Box suggests that I be a good cunt and go and offer to take the picture for them, only to walk over and discover the person taking the photo is not one of the group, and just another random tourist who had already decided to be nice and take the photo.

It must be around lunchtime by the time we make it to Taupo, although in my drunken stupor time has lost all meaning, and I actually have no idea what the time.

Part 3 – Taupo – Napier

We decide to stop at our old Taupo hangout of the Shed (something tells me we have been here before). Of course in order to stop at the shed we had to drive down four other roads to find the Shed, on the plus side we did get to see the fake leg up kids (don’t ask).

The bar tender instantly recognised us and the Beer Tuesday boys, and apologised from taking down our stickers from the bar. Last time I was in the shed, I did a lot of shots, felt ill, threw up, and then felt terrible the next day, so this time in the Shed, we decided it would be sensible to… do lots of shots, I wonder how I will feel the next day. First PP decided he was going to do a shot of half Jager, and half tequila, I really don’t know why, and neither did he. GG, SS, PB and I got some vodka and energy drink, as well as another shot. PP then brought a round of shots. I then repaid PP with another shot, and four drinks within 20 minutes, we were all feeling drunkish.

After leaving Taupo it really felt like road trip had started. Everyone was drunk and rowdy, and we decided to stop to tackle pine trees. I believe that a couple ended up attached to the van somehow. Not much further down the road, we found our first country pub to play at. We drank some swapper bottles, played with the Dog called Jack and the Ram called Tui, and had a chat to the local bar tender.

Further through the hills we found some construction equipment to play on. Not much further down the road we stopped at the next pub. This was a sweet place, we had a few Beer and had a chat to the locals. Silver Sovereign impressed the local when he was able to pick up the big stone, this impressed the locals because it took four locals to lift it onto a truck.

Upon deciding to leave I thought it would be a nice thing to go and buy the next round of drinks for the locals. So went and gave the bar tender some money for whenever the locals required their next drink. I did this thinking we would probably not see them again. About a kilometer down the road we realised that PP didn’t have his phone, after a quick look around the van we came to the conclusion that the phone was at the bar, having no cellphone reception we were unable to dial the phone. PP came to the conclusion that the old guys at the bar had actually stolen the phone, I don’t know the exact words which were used but it was something along the lines of ‘which one of you old cunts stole my phone’ it was at this time someone on the van realised the PP had actually been sitting on the phone.

From my hazy memories there was not much more of interest which happened until be arrived in Napier. However I cannot say that I specifically remember anything else between that pub and Napier, maybe other BT members can clear that up.

Part 4 – Napier night out

After a brief stop and some food, we headed into Napier for a night out. I was asking the taxi driver if it would be sweet if we went to Marine world and stabbed a dolphin, he said that there was only one dolphin there, and they were not allowed to get any more. Sounds like a pretty shitty marine park. First stop of the night was the Speights Ale House, do not try the Fireside Ale. We were looking for Grey Gooch, as he was supposed to be meeting us there. At one point while Box and GG were getting drinks SS and I decided to have a look for him upstairs. 12 hours of drinking has taken it’s toll on us and when we get upstairs we realise that we have made a noisy entrance into a restaurant, and half of the clientele had turned to see what had caused the commotion. It was best to head back down stairs.

Our next stop was Thirst Whale, that place sucked, so we stayed about a minute and went next door to a place called Shed Two. This really confused me, as far as I could tell there was no need for the Two in the title. This place was average, but there were seats, and the Rugby was starting. The people behind us didn’t enjoy the fact that we all stood for the playing for of the national anthems, they were happy for us to sit down, not that any of us were actually capable of standing for two hours during the rugby.

The highlight of the game was no doubt the point when Brendan ‘Mofringe’ Leonard scored the first try of the game, and the first of many to come for him playing for the All Blacks. All of the Waikato boys loved this, there was much celebrating, the only Wellington BT member PP did not like this as it exposed how shit at his job Puri Weepu is (subsequently Puri Weepu played his way out of the All Blacks World cup side, and Brendan Leonard has proven that he is the best halfback in the country).

During the game Yellow Dragon called to see how we were getting on, it is a good tradition of these events to get a chance to speak to YD. We were drunk and I don’t remember much of the conversation.

Following the game there were two schools of thought on the remainder of the evening. One school was to hang out and continue to drink. The other school was to do the same thing, except in a strip club. Needless to say I was in the second school so along with Box, GG, Punga, BS, and CC we found our way to Fire Cats in Napier.

Upon arriving at the Napier strip club we should have been alerted to the quality of the venue by the cover charge that was only $15, not a good sign. The girls were decidedly average, and should consider the use of silicone. Also there was one who looked very much like she would have been very much at home in the local Marine World in Napier. Anyway despite this we decided to stay, the logic behind this was that the drinks were the same prices as elsewhere in town, and the girls were hotter, that is not a compliment to the strippers. The other logic was that it was probably some of the funniest moments of my life, I wish I had recorded our conversations, they were inappropriate and hilarious. However I was drunk and forgot, however I am sure I remember talking about pregnancy scars, crack habits, bras which smell like cocaine, bending poles, small boobs, huge asses and many other topics which would have probably generated an negative reaction from the strippers. But lets face it they were probably coked out of their minds and probably couldn’t hear anyway.

At one point a stripper came over and blind folded me using her bra. The next thing I know she is grabbing my arm at the wrist and moving it towards herself. So I am thinking, ‘this is pretty cool’. Next I am touching an unidentifiable object, and I hear PP giggling, it is at this point when I realise that the feminine hand which is around my wrist (in hindsight I should have known and infants don’t even have hands that small… ah Candyman told me) is actually Punga’s, and that unidentifiable object is his nut sack. I have to admit that despite the fact on my next trip to the restroom I was scrubbing that hand like I was prepping for surgery, it was pretty funny and turned out to be something that was brought us roughly 560 times the following day.

Not long after that Cream Crusader was falling asleep, so I had to take him out of there. Napier is a really bad town to try to find a taxi. So we wandered around until we found a bar, and ordered a taxi, but got distracted by the coincidence that this bar happened to sell alcoholic beverages. While in the bar talking to a couple of locals, an old guy came over to be and said ‘you’re him aren’t you?’, naturally my reply was, ‘yes, I am him’. While trying to figure out who he thought I was I discovered he thought I was Hugh Grant. This amused me so I played along, and told him I wanted to keep it quite, so I signed an autograph in exchange for his silence. Eventually I think he clicked when my terrible karaoke gave it away. Following this we found a taxi and headed home for the night.

Meanwhile (and GG can correct me if the details are incorrect) Green Griffin, Purple Punga, and Blue Streak were still at the strip club. The stripper motioned seductively for GG to head up on stage. GG, equally seductively, crawled across the table and up onto the stage. He clearly didn’t like what the stripper was trying to do, so effectively pushed her out of the way, and continued his own dance. He ended up wearing only his boxers hanging upside down on a strippers pole, luckily they must have tightened the bolts that day, otherwise they would have already given way under the weight of the strippers. At this point he was tipped by another stripper $3, and had his boxers pulled off by another. Luckily for him that was the only thing she pulled off, I am not sure he would have wanted that STD risk from a Napier strippers hand job.

I also later found out about another couple of things which occurred with the other Beer Tuesday lads. At one point a bouncer was trying to throw Silver Sovereign over a rail from the second floor of a bar. He was apparently quite serious about this, and Silver Sovereign calmly informed him that it was surely a health and safety risk to do so. So after the bouncer allowed SS to leave under his own free will, he promptly walked around to the back door to wave at the bouncer.

Rusty Ranger also was telling me stories about how the Napier guys like to fight. He was saying most of these guys were morons and just walking around and fighting over the same skanky whores. The thing was he told me that the bouncers would do nothing about these fights, just break them up and not throw anyone out. Napier is a very civilised place. He also said one guy was walking around the bar covered in someone elses blood, and when informed of this he thought RR was the strange one for having a problem with this.

Anyway by this time I had arrived home and was ready for some sleep, CC promptly fell into bed, and when Silver Sovereign came home he collapsed into the same bed, and spooned CC in some kind of gay ass to mouth type position. Before I went to my own bunk I decided to put a kitchen table chair on them. Purple Punga found this funny when he returned home. Upon his return (he was the last one, unless you count Candyman) he proceeded to tell me about my brother and the funny strip club story. After a chat he decided to go to his bunk, however the problem was that Scarlet Avenger was asleep in it. So he woke up SA and politely asked him to move, during the confusion, and SA’s drunkard slumber he attempted to kick PP. Shortly after leaving his bunk, instead of going straight for the bottom bunk below me, he tried to jump up and take me off my bunk.

Part 5 – The return trip

The next day was somewhat uneventful, we went to the beach, it was the shittiest beach in the world, it was all stones. SS decided to have a bit of a spit, and was covered (by us) in stones, we was also eating the stones and throwing them back up.

We drove past the Pania of the Reef, or as I consistently called it Panini of the Reef. To be fair I think a Panini would have been much more interesting. I cannot understand why anyone would want to steal that.

We stopped for Sunday C, SS and Box covered themselves in gravy, and White Warrior made a new friend with some homeless guy.

On the way home there were two Candyman gems. We pulled out of the driveway, stopped at the first intersection (SA was driving), and everyone noted a cop car down the road to the right. Three people warned SA about the car. About a minute later Candyman pipes up from the back of the van, ‘look out for the cop on your right’ this became the catch phrase for the remainder of the trip home. About halfway home, Candyman is talking about how he can never get it up when he hooks up and is very drunk, so he informed us that for his impending trip to Europe he is going to get some Viagra, someone asked ‘where are you going to get it from’ to this Candyman shrugged ‘I don’t know, just go to the chemist’ everyone cracked up, it wasn’t until a week later that I explained to Candyman that it was actually prescription medication.

I felt terrible all of the way home, but was unable to spew, the same however cannot be said for Box.

Overall, as usual, it was an amazing trip. The trip down was the highlight. Napier was average, the city was weird, the bars were generic and average, the strippers were undesirable, and beach was shit, the whole place seemed a little pointless. However I was drunk, it was BTRT, it was an awesome trip, and I had a really good time. I am sure I speak for the others when I say it was another awesome Beer Tuesday event.

Now, time to recover, and get ready for next years trip,

SDC,